i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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