all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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