i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
