I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
