Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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