thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
