One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
