She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
