Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
