You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
