my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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