oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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