Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
