My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
