i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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