i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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