I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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