JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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