How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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