Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
