Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
