Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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