chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
