Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
