I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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