it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
