you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
