So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
