yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
