Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
