That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
