She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
