are you so shy because you have an std?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
