We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She told me I should be a condom model.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
