worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
