shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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