he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You're like the curious george of whores
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
