im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
