Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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