The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
