So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
so much tequila, so little girl.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
