WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
