I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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