I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
