Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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