its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
