im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
