just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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