so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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