well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
