Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He better not be in your backpack
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
